i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
