Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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