Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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