Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
