Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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