Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
