you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The beers last night were like the tears from god
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
