I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
