grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
