Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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