how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
