clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
