you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
