i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we're chasing vodka with high fives
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
