I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
