Got a toothbrush?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
