shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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