I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My bed is full of blood and feathers
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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