God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
