Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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