just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
