Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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