just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
