please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
