she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
