So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
