Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
