I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Of course I have a pirate flag
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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