I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
