Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize