I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my shit smells like andre
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
