you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
