I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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