her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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