If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
