And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
