So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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