Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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