Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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