he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I want is dick and wine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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