hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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