At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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