So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
