I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
