I'm going to jail i love you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
