sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
