Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
