This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
