I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
