I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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