why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
