I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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