he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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