Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize