you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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