Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
