Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
