does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
