Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
