I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
