physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
