Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.

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  (972): i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants. http://tfl.nu/1aet
  Replies (6) Good night (1398) Bad night (2427)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"

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  (414): You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!" http://tfl.nu/0oge
  Replies (16) Good night (7870) Bad night (1095)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness

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  (303): i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness http://tfl.nu/nepk
  Replies (34) Good night (7761) Bad night (636)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (9226) Bad night (2159)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

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  (403): "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/bmms
  Replies (15) Good night (3623) Bad night (1008)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.

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  (330): He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours. http://tfl.nu/wqf0
  Replies (15) Good night (3035) Bad night (1079)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar

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  (913): all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar http://tfl.nu/vsuv
  Replies (1) Good night (2861) Bad night (1400)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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  (870): Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. http://tfl.nu/y3t4
  Replies (9) Good night (1382) Bad night (694)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection

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  (954): aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection http://tfl.nu/vqm1
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (1113)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Why does my jaw hurt?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I may have punched you.

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  (303): Why does my jaw hurt? (402): I may have punched you. http://tfl.nu/tz5g
  Replies (8) Good night (1890) Bad night (605)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.

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  (614): Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars. http://tfl.nu/nben
  Replies (0) Good night (995) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
  Replies (14) Good night (427) Bad night (1460)
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  (714): View more from California

  Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?

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  (714): Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber? http://tfl.nu/78qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1062) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place

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  (407): I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place http://tfl.nu/n36k
  Replies (3) Good night (381) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?

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  (757): Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT? http://tfl.nu/4p7c
  Replies (4) Good night (406) Bad night (550)

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