I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory