The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart