Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.