I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.