We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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