Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.