I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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