Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
