hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
