This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
