why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.