So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
