Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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