I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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