I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
