I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
