Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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