so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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